Audience of One

Here is a follow up to yesterday’s post. Ever get a song stuck in your head big time? I have one now! It's Audience of One, by Big Daddy Weave.

I wrapped up a 25 year career recently and honestly didn’t come close to the dreams and accomplishments I aspired to. I made so many mistakes and sabotaged myself. I let down friends and many people I care for greatly. I hear people say they have no regrets. I have many.

I have lived the past 25 years of my life on a stage. Life in a fish bowl can have some very unhealthy side effects. It is a very short journey from leading to pleasing. I am ashamed to say that I made that journey many times. I allow the opinions and reactions of other people to have way too much impact on me. I wish I didn't. I know I am a wimp at times. I want to grow. I want to be bigger as a person. For me leadership became toxic, because in leading I lost "self".

Don't get me wrong, I am having no pity party. I am in a good place now. I am at peace with my God and myself. I am starting again and aspire to be a great photographer, writer, and teacher. But more than anything I want to be a great human. Being is more important than doing.

The need to please is a hazardous place to live. If you are a fellow struggler, take a big breath, read through these words slowly and ponder them. It is profound poetry and life altering stuff when we learn to live for an...

Audience of One

I come on my knees
To lay down before you
Bringing all that I am
Longing only to know you
Seeking your face
And not only your hand
I find you embracing me
Just as I am

And I lift these songs
To you and you alone
As I sing to you
In my praises make your home

To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord

So what could I bring
To honor your majesty
What song could I sing
That would move the heart of royalty
And all that I have
Is the life that you’ve given me
So Lord let me live for you
My song with humility

And Lord as the love song
Of my life is played
I have one desire
To bring glory to your name

To my audience of one
You are Father, and you are Son
As your spirit flows free,
Let it find within me
A heart that beats to praise you.
And now just to know you more
Has become my great reward
To see your kingdom come
And your will be done
I only desire to be yours,
Lord

Here is a link. Big Daddy Weave \ Audience Of One

 

 

Comments

[JOHN M. SMITH]

AS I LOOK BACK AND HONESTLY REMEMBER, I CAN STAND AND SAY THAT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH AND HAVE FOR MANY YEARS. ALSO HONESTLY, I WANTED SO MUCH TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND SHOULDER BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T HAPPEN. I DON'T KNOW WHY I DON'T APPEAL TO SOME PEOPLE BUT THAT'S OK. I STILL LOVE YOU. PERHAPS IT'S AGE OR INTELLEGENCE DIFF. WHO KNOWS. I HAVE SPENT MANY HOURS ON MY KNEES FOR YOU JESS, I HOPE IT WORKED. I DON'T SEE THAT ANYTHING WILL CHANGE ABOUT THE FRIENDSHIP THING, BUT GOD IS GOOD AND I WILL CONTINUALLY PRAY FOR YOU AND YOURS. AS YOU ARE MORE THAN AWARE A SERIOUS ILLNESS CAN GIVE YOU A LOT OF ALONE TIME SO I TRY AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT. AND, GOD HAS BLESSED ME BECAUSE OF STUDY AND PRAYER. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT GOD IS ALL THAT WE THINK HIM TO BE AND MUCH MORE AND YET HE IS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE TO VISIT WITH HIM. ABOUT 3 YEARS AGO WE WERE GOING TO HAVE LUNCH, IT COULD STILL HAPPEN SOMEDAY AND I WILL BUY. I LOVE YOU BROTHER.

[Jess]

Thanks John, You are a good man! It wasn't you. I would just get overwhelmed and isolate from everyone.

I will get this business up and going then take ya up on that lunch. And insist you pay. :)

I love you brother!

[Stephanie Carlberg]

Get out of mhead Big Daddy. I have been listening to that song for 3 days now. Right before I left school tonight I listened to it again. I too care way to much about what others think. We have area contest for one-act play and I could care less if we go on for my sake, but if we don't go on I know me, I will be devastated thinking I let those kids down. That some how if I only did more, was more, taught more...it's a never ending cycle. One of my favorite songs is the Steven Curtis Chapman song "Last Day on Earth". The lyrics that play like on repeat in my head are these, "And if tomorrow comes to find me looking in the face of Jesus. Will I hear Him say the words "well done"? And when my heart and head fight because my head wants to play the would-of should-of could-have gamewith me, my heart...the holy spirit...starts that record in my head and I hear those lyrics and I remember all I can do is my best at the time. You've done your best at the time...but the best is yet to come. Thank you for being you. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for loveing Jesus and showing me how to love him more...you're not done. You're just going about it in a new way....change is scary. Love you!
Steph

[Joan A.]

We too let music minister to us, so yes, songs do get stuck in our heads and hearts too! I love how God smiles at us through music. Jess, you are so hard on yourself, and I too know how that goes. I read once that the tears in your heart have already rolled down the face of Jesus. Thank you for being the man you are. Once you start writing your books, I'm here to edit/proofread if you'd like.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you!
Have a wonderful Easter.
hugs---Joan, Joel, Donna

[Mark]

Jess,

It has been a little while since I have read your blog, I was at work early this morning so I decided to catch up. You my friend are the hardest on yourself than I ever seen a person being on themself.

I was lost before I started attending the Ridge, but you need to know it is you that kept me coming back, and your message. Your love for God, and your ability to teach me how to love our God again.
I am not a scholar of the bible, but one scripture comes to mind when I read your
post.
Galatians 1:10
Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servent of Christ.
In short Jess, it is just one you need to please and win approval from, and you HAVE and CONTINUE to do that in a majestic way. Jess you are a great man, STOP being so hard on yourself!
I love you brother
Mark